Write a Better Letter

Australian author Susannah McFarlane has co-authored the book titled ‘The Year I Met My Other Mother’ with her birth mother Robin Leuba about their extraordinary adoption reunion story. The book is “…a piercingly honest and often hilarious story of what it takes for families to reconnect – and stay there – after a lifetime apart”.

I listened to their interview on ABC radio. Whilst the interview conveys many powerful angles and emotions, one phrase struck a chord with me; Susannah said, “I needed to write a better letter”.

Why is this so relevant in relation to finding love? I am a firm believer in the power of forgiveness, not only to others but to self. Susannah’s birth mother made contact with her quite a number of years after her adoption, when she felt she could/should make contact. Whilst Susannah always knew she was adopted, Robin’s contact came to disrupt her world so she responded with a polite letter saying ‘thanks but no thanks’. It took some years before Susannah felt the need to reconnect with Robin. Hurt, disruption, emotion, curiosity, anguish needed to take place before Susannah felt compelled to ‘write a better letter’, one that would start a process of healing and re-connection.

In my personal experience, it took me 5 years after a breakup before I could honestly and genuinely give myself to another person and start a new relationship. I’m happy to report that this person is now my wife and we have 2 beautiful children. I accept that my (as is everyone else’s) journey is unique and I’m not recommending that anyone takes as long to heal as I did! I am advocating for taking control of one’s life, discovering what we want and what we don’t want (critical values) and being prepared to proactively and purposely act on these. In my case, my healing process involved reconnecting with my ex-partner and in some level I needed to seek forgiveness for our breakup. I don’t think I wrote a letter, but I hope that my actions told that story.

Susannah’s book can be found at: http://www.susannahmcfarlane.com/product/heartlines/

Listen to the full interview at: http://www.abc.net.au/radio/sydney/programs/conversations/susannah–mcfarlane/8063362

Author Saul Martinez is an advocate for the book Finding Love Again

Carolyn Martinez

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