This post isn’t for everyone. It’s for you if you’re someone who lacked appropriate guidance and support through the developmental years, or if you were raised to enjoy confidence but then a bad relationship dented your resilience.
Interviewing singles and couples around Australia on the topic of Finding Love Again, I’ve been amazed over and over again at the amount of people who under-value themselves; particularly women.
Interviewing someone for 6-8 hours is an intimate experience. They share with me things they wouldn’t normally share in conversation, even with close friends. I’m not a psychologist, don’t think I’m claiming skills I don’t have. I am, however, an observant, empathetic person who is a good listener.
This is a friendly heads up; a caution to sit a moment and cast a critical eye over your current circumstances. Not everyone was raised, or lives, in an environment conducive to developing strong self-esteem, resilience and confidence. If you know that relates to you, I’m here as a friend to caution you against the tendency to under-value your worth, and hence to accept sub-par.
Your life partner is one of the most important decisions you make in life. Give it the thought it deserves.
Dating from a position of strength will attract like-minded people to you. Substitute the word ‘strength’ with the word ‘respect’ and my meaning is clearer. If you respect yourself, you’ll draw people to you who also respect you. Respect yourself enough to know that you deserve a like-minded equal to walk beside you in this life journey. Having the mindset and skills to recognise and wait for the right person for you are great tools with which to enter the dating arena.
I believe that if you enter the dating playing field from a position of personal strength, you’ll achieve a much better outcome for yourself than if you enter while weak and needy.
It’s all about respect. Respecting yourself, respecting others. Expecting respect.
If you’re low on self-esteem and confidence, seek out support to build resilience in these areas. There are loads of ways to achieve it and plenty of caring people who want to help you. Many interviewees in Finding Love Again give credit to various natural therapists, counsellors or self-help books for helping them through a rough patch.
If doing what you’ve always done is not giving you the results you seek, it’s time to do something different.
Love and good cheer, Carolyn.
Carolyn Martinez is an author and editor. She likes good music, good wine and good company. Her latest pursuit to keep the creative vibes alive is learning the powerful beats of Egyptian drumming. She has two books released: Finding Love Again and Inspiring IVF Stories